Monday, September 1, 2008

Amy Grant almost got me evicted...

"The most wasted of all days, is one without laughter." e.e. cummings* (Father, note, lack of caps is not mine on this one).

1. Oh Amy.

With today being a national holiday
the beach here gets extremely packed and we have an influx of all KINDS
of people making all KINDS of noise,
espcially in our courtyard.
Everyone is grilling out and laughing,
the dogs are barking, the music is playing etc.
just an all around grand ol time in the RP...

Well, I was making lunch with my ipod on shuffle in the background
and who should come on but
Amy Grant singing about her baby baby...
which therefore clearly meant that i had to turn it up.
(I mean let's be honest here, Amy Grant was not meant for Vol. 5.
She is certainly a level 13, if not higher.)

Now usually I am pretty low key when it comes to music in public places.
If I have headphones or am driving, forget about it, my ear drums are toast,
but around other people I am much more conservative and considerate.
TODAY however, well today EVERYONE was doing EVERYTHING loud,
so I figured I didn't really need to feel any form of guilt over cranking it to the roof.



1/2 way through the day her heart was put in motion, I heard
furious POUNDINGS on my door.

I quickly deduced that it was not my next door neighbors wanting to borrow a cup of sugar,
so I shut off the music and did what any brave female would do in the middle of peanut
butter and jelly concoction. I dropped to my knees, hid behind the
garbage can and waited, trembling.

I didn't have to wait long.

"Turn down the ________ song!"

And then footsteps...and then pause...and then footsteps down the stairs.

At first I was too stunned to move and then a little bit paralyzed by guilt.
But that regret quickly turned to rage because low and behold at that very moment I heard Hanson's MMMbop at
top notch from just across the way! And yet no one had bothered to rain in on THEIR 90's pop parade!

Dah! The injustice of it all!!!
So I did what any confident female would do in a predicament like this...
I slapped on my headphones and continued on with lunch in Vol. 13 peace.

2. Could we BE owning any more limes?

I have always heard it said that communication was the key to any lasting relationship.
And while I think that there are a few other keys necessary, I agree with this statement wholeheartedly.
Espcially after the following incident.

Now limes are undoubtedly a common summer necessity. They can be put in limeade, guacamole, Coronas, key lime pie...the list goes on.

However, while limes may indeed spell out fun in the sun there is absolutely no reason why this conversation should ever take place between two people

Beth: Hey...where are you?
Jessi: I'm in WI, what's up?
Beth: Oh...nothing, just cleaning the fridge...and well I was just wondering if you bought any limes lately?
Jessi: uh...yeah, I think I bought a few yesterday actually. I think we were running out and I didn't know if you were going to pick any up.Why? Do we need some more?
Beth: Um...maybe... if you and I are planning on starting our own fresh market.
Jessi: Oh, do we have a few extra?
Beth: If you would consider 27 limes "a few extra" then yes. Yes we do.
Jessi: WHAT?? How is that possible??
Beth: Well I pick some up occasionally too!
Jessi: OCCASIONALLY? It sounds like we both have been stockpiling for Lime2K! For crying out loud!
Beth: we might want to consider checking with each other well as checking the actual produce bin...
Jessi: Good idea.
Beth: Thanks.

3. Ponglish.

Beata speaks a little bit of what I have termed "Ponglish". (I know, not rocket science concoction of a word here, but it fits how she talks, often mushing things together and creating meanings-Polish and English = Ponglish.

Anyways, work has been extremely busy this past month and I have found myself with little time to inquire the meaning of a newly coined phrase she began using on a regular basis. Throughout the day I would often hear:

That person is RETIRED.

Oh my gosh, talk about retirement.

Are you keeding me? i think you are retired!

Well she used this word again on our last lunch break and curiosity got the better of me.
I had to know what she meant-was she intending to mean that someone was out of work? older? moving to Florida?

So I asked her. "Beata, what do you mean when you say retired?"

to which she replied, "Cookie, you are retired for asking me what retired mean. DOR-UH"....

silence while I processed...

"Beatka, do you mean "retarded"? as in someone who has a learning disability?"

silence while she processed...

"well shure, that word too, Cookie. yes, that is what I said! Retirded!!!!

Oh boy.
And now as I write this I am wondering if maybe I shouldn't have corrected her on this one.
She would be wrong, but at least she would be far outside the confines of being politically incorrect....


Steve Jensen said...

Ah, yes,capital letters are our friends. They're not as cool as lower case but . . . Hey, don't change your style on my account or on the account of the Rules!

g-bug said...

so funny!
i especially enjoyed the first story in a LOL way!