Thursday, February 11, 2010

No ifs ands or...




There are numerous traits about my mother that, were I granted skybox seats to my creation, I would have wholeheartedly picked out and thrown into my gene pool. However. It seems that quite the opposite has happened and my input was neither requested or even considered. So while the most wonderful woman on the planet I know, with an overwhelming amount of gifts and talents, gave birth to me, the thing I have most seemed to have inherited is a little something we have all come to know and love as the "The non-joke joke". This syndrome makes itself known in various forms at various times. It is commonly seen in already awkward or tense situations and almost always exacerbates spectators to the point of utter confusion. To spare using an example from my predecessor, I relay the following personal events:

A patient calls the dental office in extreme pain and I begin taking the necessary steps to procure an emergency exam for this caller. Looking at the schedule, I professionally and calmly explain what times we have available for the Dr. to alleviate their pain. The patient examines their own calendar and we both agree that a 2:30 appointment would work best for both parties involved. Within seconds, and before I am able to stop myself from what I know is a classic Andrea "non-joke joke"
I am already snickering under my breath "Two thirty...hmmm...how appropriate!" To which there is silence. To which I press on. "GET IT?"
To which the incoming patient replys "no."
To which I have to sheepishly explain. "Your tooth hurts...get it...tooth hurty...2:30."

Negative 20 points as empathetic receptionist.

Yet another example occurred this past weekend while sitting in the office at church with my betrothed. A previous co-worker of his walked in and began her congratulations on our recent engagement. I smiled and calmly accepted her well-wishes in a very elegant and demure manner. All was well until she smiled and exclaimed, "You have such a glow about you!" To which I responded with an over energetic, "NOT A PREGNANT GLOW THOUGH I HOPE-HAHAHAHAH.ha." The church receptionist stopped her typing. His former co-worker cocked her head. His eyes never looked so big.

Negative 50 points as the future "youth pastor's wife"

Take also for example, what we later dubbed the "occurrence" whilst milling with the aforementioned fiance, his new boss, and Covenant Harbor's camp director. We had just finished watching an evening devotion, when the director himself extended the generous invitation to spend further time on the grounds and attend more sessions. His boss wholeheartedly agreed with this idea and extended the same offer. Before my be-loved could humbly accept I was struck yet again, this time blurting out in the highest severity level of "non-joke jokes" syndrome "Oh, no thank you. It wasn't very good tonight."

Negative 75 points as graceful socialite.

Sigh.

I would like to think this is one of those things that gets better with age. But from what I have witnessed first hand from my "mentor" in this arena...the episodes will only increase in their severity with the coming years. The truth of it is, while at first glance I would probably choose her gifts of organization, domestic genius, and culinary flare over this exclamatory awkwardness...at the end of the day, I'm just glad to have any portion of my mom in me. "non-joke joke" telling and all.

4 comments:

Abi Joy said...

Hahahahahahah! I love it! =] especially the church one!

Nate Heldman said...

this trait could just as easily been inherited from my mother. no wonder you and georgia get on so.

Claire said...

jessi jessi jessi... classic! thanks for the giggles.

i hope you got my mail about your engagement?

i am so happy for both of you!

georgia b. said...

bahaha.
yes, nate is correct about why we get on so. but i don't see that i've inherited this from my mom. i think i just recognized it in you and liked you because of how much you remind me of my mom. : )