Friday, September 12, 2008


Rainboots are great because not only are they clunky and colorful and nostalgic etc. etc.
and they also serve a less glamorous yet necessary function of keeping socks dry.

What most people are not aware of is that not only do wet socks lead to the obvious pitfalls of head colds, foul smelling feet, and wrinkled toes...but this condition also has the distinct and powerful ability of catapulting damp electrical chills towards the brain. This in turn short circuits the cerebrum and performs a wet sock shock labotomy of sorts, impairing judgement and the ability to deduce things sensically...forever.

I have put extensive research into this and hypothemalized a great deal, as all good scientists do. (Ah yes, father, I have decided to be a scientist now, to just forego words entirely and take a stab at equasional numbery puzzles instead. I hope you will not be too disappointed).

Back to the theory at hand. I have come upon this conclusion by a simple act of reasoning, along with some empirical evidence.

Act of Reasoning:
There are alot of stupid people in the world.
Alot of people in the world do not wear rain boots.
Therefore, not wearing rain boots makes people stupid.

Still skeptical?
Well WHAT ELSE explains a conversation like the following?
(Note: While this may appear to be eavesdroppery, I beg to differ, and rather categorize the following documentation under "field testing".

Two rainbootless subjects walk into Algerian cafe and sit down at booth adjecent.
REPEAT: Neither wearing rain boots...and it is raining. Both subjects also have goatees.(aside: If rainboot hypothesis proves to be dead end, consider goatee a secondary culprit...). Subjects then order fruity crepes and discussion about "rage" ensues.

1. My numberology says that I don't belong to anyone and yet at the same time I belong to everyone.

2. I can most definately see this.

1.My zodiac and my instinct confirm it. And this is why I have these out of body experiences of anger.

.2 It makes perfect sense.

1. It totally does. Because spirituality is the ultimate practicality.

2. Yes, but on the same token hand, there is alot of power in rage.

1. Oh yes, most definately but i am working on being more assertive with it. Part of me can't really be blamed though.
It is all part of the polar shift that happens every 25,000 years.

2. Right, you know the birds are getting lost now in their migratory patterns.

1. Oh yes, I do. You know what that means. It means we need to really focus on perserving our energetic cycles together,
which is so ironic because I don't even care a give a &*%$ about moments in time anymore. I am so over time.

2. Ah, so you have been meditating more then?

1. Yes, most definately...mother father sister daughter brother. It all comes back to this. I have just been blown open lately and I can't get enough of the happy sadness....Ah! I remember now, 20 1/2 ration of those magnetic shifts.

2. Geez, that's gonna be crazy. Just like the Mayans disappeared those million years ago, and now we are next.


1. whelp, better eat up here. Oh wow, this is absolutely ethereal, you have GOT to try this, it will rearrange your chi.


Ah yes. All you doubting Thomas' of the sceintific field. I accept your humble apologies and am simply grateful to have been the vessle to expose this cultural problem as well as offer up a solution so quickly with minimal government investment and very few back lash.

Rainboots for all, please!

...warning: if the previously notated conversation was clear and logical...Target has a sale going on right now. in all sizes, of all colors.
It is never too late to start the healing process.


Claire said...

Jessi this legendary!Thank you for the laugh and I have my pair of rainboots already... I love them : )We are just so similar!

djmase said...

I am going to have to go ahead and agree with claire on that one. Wow, that was brilliant, seriously brilliant.

Georgia (AKA g-bug) said...


(love your boots, cutie!)

guess what. i just found out that someone i work with used to have Dallas Richards as a client. we had some great stories to swap!!


Steve Jensen said...

Not disappointed by your change of prefession at all. Just as long as you spell well and use capital letters. :-)

What a hoot, those two characters. How does anyone have a conversation like that and not think they've lost touch with reality?

Nate Heldman said...

i wear a goatee. i do not wear rainboots. so...?

i do happen to know what happened to the mayans, however. big box stores. yes. sam's club and costco put them out of business.