Thursday, January 1, 2009
The year of the Emu.
Tonight I had a conversation with my new bottle of certified fair trade soap and it went a little something like this:
MMM. soap, you are good, i am glad i bought you, you smell like peppermint and are made with organic oils. also, congratulations on what looks to be your 60th year of "soapmaking excellence"
Truthfully, I didn't buy you because you were fair trade, although that is nice bonus...,but because 1. i would very much like to smell like a candy cane all day,and 2. your label said "Dr. Bronner's Magic Soaps". And quite frankly,i think that there is nothing better than medical confidence mixed with a bit of magical charm. i hope you find yourself at home here.
ok. now i am going to try you out....nice... i am even tempted to put you in hot chocolate.
but wait. what's this? you have alot of small print over your packaging. interesting. well i have already read your neighboring shampoo ingredients and the labels that come on my shaving gel, so i am very much indebted to whatever new jingle you have to tell me.
i have always thought there is no greater boredom than the boredom that comes from having nothing new to read, so i will check you out through sudsy squints while my leave in conditioner sets.
WHATEVER UNITES MANKIND IS BETTER THAN WHATEVER DIVIDES US.
hm.that's different...i was expecting "start your stint with hint of peppermint" or something more up the soap slogan rhyming alley...
YET IF ABSOLUTE UNSELFISH I AM NOT FOR ME, I AM BUT CLASSLESS, RACELESS, STARVING MASSES, NEVER FREE NOR BRAVE! ONLY IF CONSTRUCTIVE SELFISH I WORK HARD PERFECT FIRST ME, LIKE ARCTIC OWLS-PENGUIN, PILOT-CAT-SWALLOW-BEAVER-BEE, CAN I TEACH THE MORAL ABC'S...
the moral abc's...? hold on. i'm going to need to sit down for this one.
my two minute rinse can wait.
ALL-ONE- GOD-FAITH, THAT LIGHTNING LIKE UNITES THE HUMAN RACE!
FOR WE'RE ALL ONE OR NONE! ALL ONE!"LISTEN CHILDREN, ETERNAL FATHER ETERNALLY ONE
EXCEPTION ETERNALLY? ABSOLUTE NONE!
hold UP. let me get this straight. i purchased you, a mere hygiene product and ended up buying a philosophy?
DON"T DESTROY GOD"S SPACESHIP EARTH!
Roger that, Houston.
We have a problem.
Peppermint soap: something stinks, and i think it's your
of universal happiness
achieved purely through self-sufficient means,
in which we all become our own diety
and live happily ever after
as beaver llama bee god's.
SMALL MINDS DECAY! AVERAGE MINDS DELAY! GREAT MINDS TEACH ALL-ONE TODAY!
stop yelling at me.
EACH DAY, LIKE A BIRD, PERFECT THYSELF FIRST!
well i am one bird not going for this worm.
i'll be honest, your sweet oils were quite seductive...
but next time, i think i'll stick with Irish Spring.
because it's cheaper.
but mostly because the only philosophy they ever tried to sell me
was that it floats.
This "small minded" woman is out.
Posted by Jekisa Jean at 7:38 PM