Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Definition of Hope

to the woman on the street-
smoking the dying embers of a cigarette
looking for the smallest trace of warmth...


to the downtown shoppers, with designer names and dreams, carrying all the anxiety of deadlines, of schedules,and of coming up short..


to the husband, looking into blue eyes of a best friend who doesn't remember.
Doesn't remember the date, doesn't remember watercolor paints,and doesn't remember the names of their children...


to the broken families, staring at where they would sit if they ever chose to come- meals divided over broken trust and broken hearts...


to the older brother and his sleeping sister,her white hands on white sheets, exhausted with the fight...


to the children singing with their bells, rosy cheeked and bright eyed, not knowing of the corrupt times in which they ring...


to the foreigner, miles away from his family, and worlds away from knowing his true Home...


to the doctor, silently bearing the grief and stoically bridging the void for three years since his passing, fighting back tears as she lays out the gifts alone...


to the soldier over seas, making the honorable commitment of a man while still being very much a boy...


to his mother and the loss of which she does not yet know.


to the career woman, alone on her catalog living room floor, with her catalog wine glass, and her catalog sweater, weeping over the things she cannot buy...


to the Honduran people. to the fatherless families crowding into their one room homes for one meal, wishing for one thing...


to all the weary travelers.
to all the broken vessels.
to all the empty hearts.




the darkness does not win,
nor does it understand,
how in the midst of so much sadness
true Light has entered in.

*photograph by Beth Hedy Adams

"Confrontations" with her Creator


being knocked over is not the same as being knocked down
nor bruised the same as beaten

just as

living well is not the same as living for
nor right the same as righteous

inches away decide the difference
struggle or defeat
comfort or integrity
law or Love

inches away

so decide the difference.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Phantoms/AKA Hearts. On. Sleeves.

I did not ask for this.
To be honest, I really thought we were done here
- thought that time had done her job,
had mended the cut and healed the absence-
the strangeness of a day without you,
days I replaced so quickly with
prosthetic limbs of strength.

This kind of pain I have only heard about from veterans.
And to be honest,
I really did not take them seriously-
thought that I'd never wake up in tears,
thought the dull aches would never reach me,
thought the intermittent tendancies of dillusion would pass me by.

Which is why I am a bit beside myself with all of this.
With how to ease a hurt that does not exist.

And of course I hear myself asking "just how bad was it, Jessica?"
To which any intelligent physician would reply, "very bad".
"Why Here, just look at the case".

Fortunately, I am old enough to know
that the eyes of past are not to be trusted,
as they so often choose to see an early morning run at sunrise
before the sickness,
and nothing else besides.

Memory is so very vain this way.

She'll show you repeats of your highest moments,
but never the reasons for the end.
never the sweat and tears and guts
of a five year marathon to nowhere.

I know I know I KNOW this.
Which is why
I just do not understand,
how after all this time,
after this removal and replacement,
after the strong foundations that have been placed in your stead,
that at any given time,
without my permission
I will see your eyes smiling at me from our kitchen counter,
as you make a turkey sandwhich.
"for your sister" You say.
"to put in her purse" You say.
"Because I hear brides don't get to eat much." You say.

They say there is not much to be done about this kind of thing.
That it's normal and typical and to be expected for 50-80%
of these kinds of cases, and that someday your mind really will adapt
to your body.

And I know they are right.
And I know things are as they should be.

But in the meantime,
in the throws of it all
statistics bring no relief.
And that is what I say.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

a few thoughts on books...

There is a quiet place of rest within your words
I am not sure when it got this way,
or how long it will last,
but please accept this unspoken note of thanks from a weary traveler.


I would be overwhelmed by all the places I have never traveled,
were it not for the vast amount books, waiting to take me there.


A good book is to the imagination
what a great pair of heels is to a woman's self esteem.


There are afternoons where I truly do believe that your strong ropes of words have saved me.
And I marvel at the power that comes from links of letters.


i never notice before...
but eternity lies in your middle...


You can tell a good book like you can tell a good friend.
If they are:
great to travel with
up for tea at any hour,
and searching for Truth.
Always Truth.


Instead of plastic surgery,
women in Hollywood should just get their nose in a book.


Novels are meant to be absorbed. Not just read.
The only way to do this is to follow closely, with pen and hand,
and when the author says something particularly striking to you,
talk back.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Hair today Gone Tomm.

Boredom at work + poetry story idea in talking with a friend
+ actual knot in hair =...an apology. for the following.

There is a knot in my hair
like the one in my shoe
that is constantly growing
what to do what to do?

It started out small
the humble size of a dime.
but at midmorning tea
had quartered in no time.

Ginny said "ignore it"
she said I would manage
but a week has gone by
and now it's causing some damage.

Vases and windows are merely a token
of the keepsakes, the namesakes,
the valuables I've broken.

(Not to mention my studies, mummy says.
And she is right).

I hit Monday's piano teacher smack in the eye
I reached for C sharp and she started to cry

Tuesday's Italian and I can say for sure,
that IT was the reason Professore hit the floor.

Wednesdays are swimming in our heated indoor pool.
But my rubber cap did not fit and I felt like a fool.

By thursday's polo match the thing was gigantic
It kept knocking down teammates and the crowds grew quite frantic.

This morning is Friday.
I should be well out of bed.
But the horror the travesty,
I can't lift my head!!

I've called all the nurses,
all the maids and the cooks,
called all the bakers, the policeman
to "come take a look!!"

"Please help me please help me please help me please do.
now My THOUGHTS are all tangled,
I am counting on you!"

I presented the problem to the council of many
but solutions were scarce.
None gave me any.


Except for a little girl from the wood,
who sat on my stomach and told me of good.
news that is.

"dear child dear child".
She said with a smile,
all will be well
just close your eyes and rest here awhile.

So I did as she ordered
I did as she told...
but when i opened my eyelids
i saw scissors of gold!

The woodland girl
a once calm and peaceful fairy
was now a large Ogre
quite large and quite scary.

With a menacing glare
he lunged full speed ahead
I screamed and I panicked
and thought myself dead.

But low and behold
the seconds they flew
I glanced down at my feet
and that's when I knew...

The knot that had grown
that had towered and terrored
could do no more harm
meeting due punishment for it's errors.

Now I am thankful and happy and weightless it's true.
But next time...
I am brushing.
to try something new.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

the business of being tagged...

G and Rochelle,
here you go.
thank you for thinking of me :)
I very much liked reading your own answers to these :).

One Word Answer Challenge

Where is your mobile phone? MIA
Where is your significant other? ...MIA
Your hair colour? brondish.
Your mother? Kind.
Your father? Wise.
Your favourite thing? conversations.
Your dream last night? FLYING!
Your dream goal? lots.
The room you're in? bed.
Your hobby? wrrriitttinnnggg.
Your fear? needles.
Where do you want to be in 6 years? warm.
Where were you last night? Narnia.
What you're not? disciplined.
One of your wish-list items? secret :)
Where you grew up? WB
The last thing you did? letter.
What are you wearing? green!
Your TV? nope.
Your pets? Fitz.
Your computer? appley.
Your mood? CHRISTMAS
Missing someone? G
Your car? nope.
Something you're not wearing? diamonds.
Favourite shop? Amvets.
Your summer? shining.
Love someone? always.
Your favourite colour? grreeeeennn.
When is the last time you laughed? today
When is the last time you cried? yesterday.

6 Quirky Things

1. i can never seem to find matching socks. ever.
2. i try to match people up in my mind on the train, who fits with who...
3. i own about 25 different chapsticks...all the time....in case i might lose...one...
4. i can never wear an outfit with the following color patterns:
orange and black-halloween
yellow and black-bee
red and green-Christmas
Green and yellow-packers
green and brown-tree
yellow and green-daisy
red white and blue-USA
5. i apparently hum when i am enjoying something i am eating.
6. i collect really cheezy looking christmas mugs.

now i pick someone right?
and how do i put the name in the thing here?
i have no idea how to do the link....
ok ok.
old school way.

i tag my brother in law, Jamo at www.lamoson.blogspot.com and his bff jesse at www.davidjessemase.blogspot.com

there. i did it.
i'm done.